Week 5 Wrap Up

The world is a puzzling place, filled with quite a few things I just can’t understand. e.g. Why I can’t hold onto a pair of gloves for an entire winter, What that squeaking noise is that my car keeps making, Why Amy Stouffer’s AAA Membership Card showed up in my mail pile, And why people keep on starting Demariyus Thomas.

Thanks to this week’s victories I’ll be working hard to cheer up my disheartened Minnesota friends with a passion. What a NY-MIN sports weekend! Thank god, as 10-10-10 held high expectations. The prophecy of 7-7-7 predicted I’d get married in Hawaii this past weekend, which miraculously didn’t happen… (Can I add that to the list of puzzling things?) And, it would have been (my late dog) Bijou’s 13th bday, and hence Bark Mitzvah on the 9th, and he didn’t quite make it to that one either (died in March).
On that note…

Ladies and Gentlemen, Week 5 results:

Shiso Spicy vs. Howard’s Heroes: 130.55 – 93.70
Lost in the high score bud bowl (we sometimes have side wagers…) to Dava 130.55 – 131.95 due to her Romo, Chris Johnson, Falcons D combo. That’s with a big 0 from my poor Finley. Thank you Nicks, Forte, and Eagles D. Sarah put up a decent fight with Bush and Gates, but the heroes would have fallen short, even if she had started Harvin.

Smack and Cheese vs. Multiple Scoregasms: 127.84 – 98.03
High score in GG2FF with solid outings all around (except for my poor Finley out), especially from Floyd, Nicks, and Jets D. Chris Johnson couldn’t carry Crysta’s whole team, especially with Shameful Schaub.

Pajama Drama vs. Nuts & Berries: 95.74 – 106.93
Go Esther. Only one to beat commish this week. If I had played Brandon Jackson at flex instead of Dez Bryant, her optimal line up still would have had my number with her Michael Bush addition. Let the records show that I’m lowest in the standings in the newbie league out of all of them. Speaks volumes?

Fat Sweaters vs. Eat Prey Destroy: 123.00 – 78.10
Second highest score would have been no match to Melissa, The Football Girl even if she had played end zoners T.O. and Lee Evans over zone outers Demaryius Thomas and Mario Manningham. High score was Laree with Rivers and Rice!

Golf Fart & Urinals vs. You Missed A Spot: 90.76 – 86.40
Nick Folk for Pres.! My kicker “pulled a Rackers” (a term coined after Rackers was Percy No Evil’s high scorer two weeks in a row), and gave me the win! Thankfully. My optimal line up would have involved playing McNabb over Peyton and Gresham at R/W/T flex. Two moves I’d never have considered.

Joey Jo Jo Junior Shabadoos vs. Burlington Booze Hounds: 81.00 – 81.00 Tiebreaker: McNabb 20.80 – Bell 0.80
Wow. Nail biter til the very end! I needed exactly 10.7 pts from LT. He was up to 10.8, then he lost a yard. As far as the tie breakers go, Phil had to pick Bell in order to preserve our if/then rule with Shady being Q. (If no Shady, then Bell – and the “then” has to be your tie breaker.) But no one on his bench came close to McNabb, so I would have won it either way. No thanks to Shameful Schaub and my poor decision to bench Crabtree and Gresham in favor of Dez Bryant and Kevin Walter. (We can play WR/TE in any of the three receiver positions in this league.)
Sorry Phil, I’ll thank you for my NYE Phish MSG tickets next week.

Rock. And. ROLL!